Skip to main content

Of Myths and facts

10 things they taught you in Biology class that you thought were true.

1. The human body requires 6 to 8 hours of sleep.
* Hah! 4 hours and you are good to go (The doctors are not going to be changing nappies or feeding the beby).

2. Darwin's theory of evolution says "Survival of the fittest".
* Fit or not, you will need to survive sleeplessness.

3. 45 minutes of exercise 5 days a week will keep you fit as a fiddle.
* Changing nappies = tummy crunches
   Trying to make baby sleep = 2 km walk + torso exercise + weights
   Entertaining baby = 30 minute dancing lesson
   Feeding baby = core muscle strengthening
That's about 1200 minutes of exercise 7 days a week- the shape is still round!

4. Babies sleep for about 20 hours a day.
* Where is the sub-clause telling you that those hours are split into packets of 20 minute naps and that it takes 30 minutes to get the baby into a 20 minute nap.

5. The human body is tuned to working during the day and resting during the night.
* It's utter nonsense that we are born like that. Playtime is at 2 AM.

6. New mothers learn by instinct.
* New mothers learn from the grandmother's instinct.

7. Caffeinated drinks can make the baby restless.
*  Caffeine or No Caffeine, playtime is still 2 AM.

8. Dreams are an extension of your psyche and sub-conscious likes, dislikes and needs.
* She laughs while she sleeps. Her dreams of milk, crying and nappies must be rather funny!

9. Humans inherit half their genes from the mother and half from the father.
* Humans inherit good traits from the mother and the not-so-good traits from the ...ahem....

10. Humans are the  only species to have invented complex  forms of entertainment.
* There was never a need. Make a goofy face or a stupid noise- it's enough to reap giggles.

Every rule has an exception. Just never realised that all those exceptions suddenly crop up in early motherhood. 

Comments

  1. BPJanuary 10, 2012 at 8:11 PM

    Lol... this has to be funniest post till now.. tho novice gives this good competition...

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Secularism, Chauvinism, but Objective Hindu-ism?

In recent times I have realised that several people feel obliged to apologise; apologise for being Hindu, apologise for a ‘Hindu’ party winning the elections, updating status messages on facebook or tweeting that while they may be called Hindu, they should not be mistaken to be fundamentalists. ‘I am not a religious Hindu. I am secular!’ I was raised in a Tamil Brahmin household. I remember spending my afternoons hearing tales from the Siva Puranam, the Ramayana and the Mahabharatha from my grandmother. I remember learning to draw a 18-pulli Kolam , making strings of mango leaves for festivals, learning Carnatic music and bharathanatyam, making a compulsory visit to the puja room after a bath every morning. As a young child, the stories of Parvati or Rama were fascinating, festivals were a lot of fun, rituals were intriguing and practices were just that- a way of living. In my growing up years I asked a lot of questions- why do we do this? How will it matter if I don’t do thi...
Post a Comment
Read more

MY ALONE

A few days ago, my daughter walked off to a birthday party saying "I will go my alone." MY ALONE was her new English phrase for the week meaning 'all by myself'. Not just 'myself', "ALL BY MYSELF"! And as I watched her walk down the hallway to the neighbour's house, I felt a funny feeling in the pit of my tummy. Of all the funny-feelings-in-tummy motherhood brings you, this one was new. WAS MY BABY GROWING UP? You see, mothers are usually programmed to be blind to any of these so-called hints of growing up. So obviously it surprised me that I was thinking this at all! Growing up in Mommy language usually refers to other things like: 1. Baby Being toilet trained after months of cleaning up and mopping up and coercing and making sssss sounds while the bored baby sits on the Potty. 2. Baby Being able to chew food -accompanied by a lot of "CHEW CHEW CHEW" and nudging the food stuck in the cheek. 3. Baby Giving up the feeding bott...
Post a Comment
Read more

Grateful and Complaining?!

Daddy J recently commented, "I wish I was ambidextrous." "Why", I asked, bewildered. "With one good hand, it's almost impossible to change her diaper without messing up the place. Plus it would be easier to get that rice into her. I wonder how you hold her in one hand and stuff that food in with the other." "So how did you manage when I went out for 3 hours?" "I gave her milk."- with a triumphant smile!!!! Everyone warned me that crawling days and walking days would bring along new and challenging exercise routines. And thanks to it, the old pair of jeans seem to fit again- yipie! And compare notes, we must! With new mommies: -My son won't sit in one place for more than 10 seconds. Half the time, I am just hunting for him under tables and chairs. -Mine broke a vase the other day and had the most 'paavam' look on her face. I didn't know whether to cry or scold her! -He wants to pull everything- including peopl...
Post a Comment
Read more