Skip to main content

The mathematics of babydom!

We Indians are always boasting about all the number things that we invented: the Zero for example has been our primary source of  pride at multinational gatherings. But why did no one ever document Baby mathematics or for that matter baby physics, it's a huge chapter!

1.Baby's energy is always inversely proportional to mother's energy.
2. g> 9.8m/s (why do you think newborns can't move?!)
3. At 6 months, you wish g>>9.8m/s but it reduces to what seems like 4 m/s (she was right here.Where did she go?!)
4. Have you learnt "A stationary object will remain stationary until acted upon by an external force"- Sorry.  " A stationary object will be smothered in drool and will go kaput until acted upon by an adult".
5. The shortest distance between 2 points is a line segment joining them? Only if there are 3 of her favourite toys, the TV remote and an expensive cell phone lying at varying distances between these 2 points.
6. infinity to the power of infinity=playtime energy at 3 AM= infinity.
7. In a right angled triangle, the hypotenuse will get chewed off/torn off making the other 2 sides longer.
8. Energy is neither created nor destroyed. It only converts from one form to another. -OK, I'm quite convinced that a baby has the exceptional talent of converting the energy of 10 adults into hers!
9. Time is an indefinite progress of events in the past, present and future - Naansense.... Time ceases to exist for all mothers.
10. The nutritive value of food is directly proportional to the sum of the amount left behind on your clothes, baby's clothes, floor, furniture, pets....^n.

....it's a huge chapter but a baby post power nap = missing keys on the laptop. Ciao!




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Secularism, Chauvinism, but Objective Hindu-ism?

In recent times I have realised that several people feel obliged to apologise; apologise for being Hindu, apologise for a ‘Hindu’ party winning the elections, updating status messages on facebook or tweeting that while they may be called Hindu, they should not be mistaken to be fundamentalists. ‘I am not a religious Hindu. I am secular!’ I was raised in a Tamil Brahmin household. I remember spending my afternoons hearing tales from the Siva Puranam, the Ramayana and the Mahabharatha from my grandmother. I remember learning to draw a 18-pulli Kolam , making strings of mango leaves for festivals, learning Carnatic music and bharathanatyam, making a compulsory visit to the puja room after a bath every morning. As a young child, the stories of Parvati or Rama were fascinating, festivals were a lot of fun, rituals were intriguing and practices were just that- a way of living. In my growing up years I asked a lot of questions- why do we do this? How will it matter if I don’t do thi...
Post a Comment
Read more

MY ALONE

A few days ago, my daughter walked off to a birthday party saying "I will go my alone." MY ALONE was her new English phrase for the week meaning 'all by myself'. Not just 'myself', "ALL BY MYSELF"! And as I watched her walk down the hallway to the neighbour's house, I felt a funny feeling in the pit of my tummy. Of all the funny-feelings-in-tummy motherhood brings you, this one was new. WAS MY BABY GROWING UP? You see, mothers are usually programmed to be blind to any of these so-called hints of growing up. So obviously it surprised me that I was thinking this at all! Growing up in Mommy language usually refers to other things like: 1. Baby Being toilet trained after months of cleaning up and mopping up and coercing and making sssss sounds while the bored baby sits on the Potty. 2. Baby Being able to chew food -accompanied by a lot of "CHEW CHEW CHEW" and nudging the food stuck in the cheek. 3. Baby Giving up the feeding bott...
Post a Comment
Read more

Grateful and Complaining?!

Daddy J recently commented, "I wish I was ambidextrous." "Why", I asked, bewildered. "With one good hand, it's almost impossible to change her diaper without messing up the place. Plus it would be easier to get that rice into her. I wonder how you hold her in one hand and stuff that food in with the other." "So how did you manage when I went out for 3 hours?" "I gave her milk."- with a triumphant smile!!!! Everyone warned me that crawling days and walking days would bring along new and challenging exercise routines. And thanks to it, the old pair of jeans seem to fit again- yipie! And compare notes, we must! With new mommies: -My son won't sit in one place for more than 10 seconds. Half the time, I am just hunting for him under tables and chairs. -Mine broke a vase the other day and had the most 'paavam' look on her face. I didn't know whether to cry or scold her! -He wants to pull everything- including peopl...
Post a Comment
Read more