Skip to main content

The mathematics of babydom!

We Indians are always boasting about all the number things that we invented: the Zero for example has been our primary source of  pride at multinational gatherings. But why did no one ever document Baby mathematics or for that matter baby physics, it's a huge chapter!

1.Baby's energy is always inversely proportional to mother's energy.
2. g> 9.8m/s (why do you think newborns can't move?!)
3. At 6 months, you wish g>>9.8m/s but it reduces to what seems like 4 m/s (she was right here.Where did she go?!)
4. Have you learnt "A stationary object will remain stationary until acted upon by an external force"- Sorry.  " A stationary object will be smothered in drool and will go kaput until acted upon by an adult".
5. The shortest distance between 2 points is a line segment joining them? Only if there are 3 of her favourite toys, the TV remote and an expensive cell phone lying at varying distances between these 2 points.
6. infinity to the power of infinity=playtime energy at 3 AM= infinity.
7. In a right angled triangle, the hypotenuse will get chewed off/torn off making the other 2 sides longer.
8. Energy is neither created nor destroyed. It only converts from one form to another. -OK, I'm quite convinced that a baby has the exceptional talent of converting the energy of 10 adults into hers!
9. Time is an indefinite progress of events in the past, present and future - Naansense.... Time ceases to exist for all mothers.
10. The nutritive value of food is directly proportional to the sum of the amount left behind on your clothes, baby's clothes, floor, furniture, pets....^n.

....it's a huge chapter but a baby post power nap = missing keys on the laptop. Ciao!




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Box of Questions this BHOGI

The Hanuman temple at the end of the street where my parents live has been our go-to temple ever since I can remember. Whether it is a prayer for someone ill or a ThankYou for a milestone reached, sometimes 'just-like-that' and sometimes for a heart-to-heart, this Hanuman has been a constant in the lives of those who live nearby. A month ago, the temple was decked up for Hanuman Jayanti and my dad couldn't stop raving about how majestic our beloved Hanuman looked, how exquisitely the ceiling had been painted with tulasi and flowers and what a beautifully festive look the entire street had taken on. There was a constant stream of visitors for Him that day- each one being fed with a sumptuous lunch. Would this be any Hanuman Jayanti anywhere in the world? Probably! So why go on harping about this one? Because the choicest flowers were hand picked and strung together by a Muslim. The lunch was joyfully prepared by boys whose caste and religion no one knows. The entire cost fo...
2 comments
Read more

Of travel rants and toddlers!

Someone once asked me if I liked travelling... And after a lot of deliberation I said.."Well, I like being at all kinds of different places but if I have to take a 36 hour train or a sweaty 8 hour bus drive, I'm not sure I'd like that bit." I'm sure the person thought he was having the most inane conversation with the most spoilt brat around! Being a dancer predisposes you to all kinds of travel- luxurious ones, budget ones, in-between-luxury and budget-ones. You also get to live like that- budget hotels, luxury hotels, 1 star to 5 star (OK very rarely 5 star unless I book myself into one!). I once lived in a 'guest house' in Raipur where there was no running water in the bathroom, food was served in sticky plates and the table was cleaned with a cloth that could send a rat running to the ENT. A week back, re-visiting the holy temples of Shiva in the Tanjore belt, I realised how things had changed, yet some things don't ever change do they! The la...
2 comments
Read more

Get-set-Go

When I was a toddler, her word was the ultimate truth. Dad didn’t know Math, Bro didn’t know sport, Uncle didn’t know medicine, Aunt didn’t know music, Granny didn’t know Tamil... She was all-knowing and her affirmation alone stood my test of truth. Until she started using the word “NO” and a few other similar phrases and words. She said I couldn’t stay back late after school, I thought she didn’t trust me enough. She wanted to know more about my friends, I called her nosy. She asked me to be up at 6 am for Badminton practice, I thought she was evil and torturous. She asked why I  didn’t finish first in class, I told her she was pressurising me. She asked me to practice my steps a little longer, I vetoed. She forbade select company and I vented at her controlling nature. She asked to pity the rude, I called her naive. She advised to ignore cynics, I told her off. She was always home when I got back from school, I was sad that she didn’t have a cool career. She checked on us in b...
2 comments
Read more