I grew up in a safe Bangalore. At least I didn't have to be taught at 3 what "Good touch" and "Bad touch" was. But I'm not sure I can say that about my daughter's life. With the next door school brushing aside rape allegations, I am agitated and enraged and like several other parents have embarked on a education spree. Several tips have cropped up over the past few days on how to teach your child to be safe. But at two and a half, I may be prematurely killing her innocence, not to mention how confusing I may seem to her.
"Why are you screaming? If you scream that Bhoot is going to jump into your room." and I follow it up later in the day with "If someone touches you, scream with all your might and run to your teacher."
"You must respect the aunties in school. Say thank you - they help you in the class, take you to the swing..."
"If aunty takes you out of the class, shout out to Ma'am that she's taking you."
"Don't push my hand away baby. I was just hugging you."
"If you don't like it when someone hugs you, Scream and say "NO" or bite them".
The first few days after the terrible VIBGYOR incident came to light I went nuts with questions...What did you do? Who came with you to the swing? Did Sir tap your head or neck? When you go to the toilet, do you tell Ma'am? My other questions sound sillier but I'd rather be labelled the boring inquisitive always-wanting-to-know-everything-about-my-life mother than... And when mothers of older children are at a loss for answers to the Whys and What ifs and Why not questions their tots come up with, I say- Tell them what our mothers said "Don't ask so many questions. Just do as I say. I am saying it for your own good."
We are left with little choice at the moment, at least until our heart rate slows down to normal. And the heart is going to be beating fast for sometime to come. Our protests have yielded small results. Criminals are still at large and we find it difficult to trust anybody. I am constantly questioning why certain men are sitting around or a certain woman is staring at my child. While the paranoid parent in us would like to protect them forever, there will come a day when you have to let your child live her or his life. And towards that day it requires us to make them stronger individuals, strong to realise firstly their self worth, to realise the worth of people around them and to recognise the sick from the healthy mind. So here's my plan - care to join?
1. Let's teach the daughter that she's strong as STrong can get. And make her strong- physically and mentally.
If you want to start with karate or yoga or judo, make sure you know the instructors background well!
2. Teach the son to respect women. Not a certain kind versus another. Just 'Women'.
Of course they will show a liking to Katrina Kaif versus Phoolan Devi but get them out of their superficial preferences.
3. Teach the daughter that nobody has the right to make her feel lousy - including herself.
That however doesn't mean that they begin to think bad behavior should also make them feel heroic.
4. Teach the son that it is NOT cool to comment about a woman's physical stats.
Unless he's a doctor and he's discussing his patient's tumor with another specialist.
5. Teach the daughter that no boy or man has the right to comment about her body.
No comments- that's all.
6. Teach the son that he is an equal to the woman he will fall in love with, not her guardian.
But he better pay the bills.
7. Teach the daughter to walk with her head held high, not look down in embarrassment or fear.
But watch your step if you are in stillettoes (which are very bad for your back and knee- so don't wear them).
8. Teach the son to walk with his head bowed respectfully of all the women in his life- his mother, grandmother, sister, companion, daughter, friend...
But when you talk to a woman, look at her eyes, don't conveniently 'bow' your head- you know what I mean.
Like my mother sometimes points out- "Nobody said raising kids was easy."
"Why are you screaming? If you scream that Bhoot is going to jump into your room." and I follow it up later in the day with "If someone touches you, scream with all your might and run to your teacher."
"You must respect the aunties in school. Say thank you - they help you in the class, take you to the swing..."
"If aunty takes you out of the class, shout out to Ma'am that she's taking you."
"Don't push my hand away baby. I was just hugging you."
"If you don't like it when someone hugs you, Scream and say "NO" or bite them".
The first few days after the terrible VIBGYOR incident came to light I went nuts with questions...What did you do? Who came with you to the swing? Did Sir tap your head or neck? When you go to the toilet, do you tell Ma'am? My other questions sound sillier but I'd rather be labelled the boring inquisitive always-wanting-to-know-everything-about-my-life mother than... And when mothers of older children are at a loss for answers to the Whys and What ifs and Why not questions their tots come up with, I say- Tell them what our mothers said "Don't ask so many questions. Just do as I say. I am saying it for your own good."
We are left with little choice at the moment, at least until our heart rate slows down to normal. And the heart is going to be beating fast for sometime to come. Our protests have yielded small results. Criminals are still at large and we find it difficult to trust anybody. I am constantly questioning why certain men are sitting around or a certain woman is staring at my child. While the paranoid parent in us would like to protect them forever, there will come a day when you have to let your child live her or his life. And towards that day it requires us to make them stronger individuals, strong to realise firstly their self worth, to realise the worth of people around them and to recognise the sick from the healthy mind. So here's my plan - care to join?
1. Let's teach the daughter that she's strong as STrong can get. And make her strong- physically and mentally.
If you want to start with karate or yoga or judo, make sure you know the instructors background well!
2. Teach the son to respect women. Not a certain kind versus another. Just 'Women'.
Of course they will show a liking to Katrina Kaif versus Phoolan Devi but get them out of their superficial preferences.
3. Teach the daughter that nobody has the right to make her feel lousy - including herself.
That however doesn't mean that they begin to think bad behavior should also make them feel heroic.
4. Teach the son that it is NOT cool to comment about a woman's physical stats.
Unless he's a doctor and he's discussing his patient's tumor with another specialist.
5. Teach the daughter that no boy or man has the right to comment about her body.
No comments- that's all.
6. Teach the son that he is an equal to the woman he will fall in love with, not her guardian.
But he better pay the bills.
7. Teach the daughter to walk with her head held high, not look down in embarrassment or fear.
But watch your step if you are in stillettoes (which are very bad for your back and knee- so don't wear them).
8. Teach the son to walk with his head bowed respectfully of all the women in his life- his mother, grandmother, sister, companion, daughter, friend...
But when you talk to a woman, look at her eyes, don't conveniently 'bow' your head- you know what I mean.
Like my mother sometimes points out- "Nobody said raising kids was easy."
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