Tanzerin

I've blogged and gloated about the new entry in my life for almost a year now. New entries have that effect on you I guess. But, 10 years back there was another new entry in my life: don't be scandalised- it was no baby- just a lady. Ok again, don't raise your eyebrows, I'm just referring to the time when most TamBrahms would have labeled me the "kodumakaara Naathanaar" or as you would call it in English "the Sister-in-law".Men are from Mars and women from Venus? More like she was from Mercury and me from Pluto. What could we have agreed on? Not much.... 1. She said "Hugs are beautiful." I said "Uhm... I can't hug." 2. She said "Let's party till 4 AM." I was always indoors before dinner time. 3. She said "Let's practice that step again." I wondered "WHY????" and still do! 4. "Here's your gift for Pongal." she said. And suddenly I realised how my brother had cheated me o

Remember when some old relative pinched your cheeks at a wedding and said, "How small you were. Look how big you've gotten!" I always wanted to say, " Well. I can't remain 5 forever! And... You used to be so thin.. look how fat you've gotten." And somehow I look at my almost-a-year-old daughter and seem to want to say just that! "Remember how tiny she was. Look at her now!" Just that it ain't moist eyes that accompany that line but "O my god, please don't put that shoe in your mouth..again..grrrr" ONE year seems like a long time but time has slipped by so quickly that I can hardly believe I'm a year old in the parenting business (Daddy J: You agree, don't you?!). Life and everything around me has changed such a big deal, that it sometimes feels like some parallel universe... And here I go again with my "10 Things that have changed...." 1. I have new-found respect for cows... Need I say more. 2. "S

WAVES OF BEAUTY In the light of the candle I saw her. A glow so radiant that it was blinding; As it was scintillating. A bejeweled crown that shone As if it was her pride. Blackness all around Her dark body seemed to throw. A crimson tongue reeked of anger with weapons to aid. With a garland of skulls, Morbid seemed the goddess. Demons lay at her feet, Frightened by her strength. Her matted hair disheveled Like that of an ascetic. A goddess embodies grace, Is it not I wondered. Then why worship such ferocity, For peace is what prevails?! And then I looked at her eye, I take pride in my children, They seemed to say, Not arrogant by my strength. My blackness is my power, They seemed to say, An energy so potent That it encompasses all. My weapons will rise They seemed to say, When you sin. Devote yourself for good and you won’t stumble. Evil will be vanquished They seemed to say, In every age and ti

Rule # 1 Long ago: Oldie: At dawn, sprinkle water in front of the house. The dust will settle, you can smell the earth and you will get to hear the birds sing- what a beautiful start to the day! Some time ago: Oldie: At dawn, sprinkle water in front of the house. Girl: Why? Oldie: It’s good for you and for the house. And don’t keep asking questions- it’s disrespectful. Now: Oldie:  At dawn, sprinkle water in front of the house. Girl: But, it’s Saturday. I want to sleep till 9. And if I sprinkle water, my neighbours will slip and fall. Oldie: What a generation! No discipline. Rule#2 Long ago: Oldie: The clothes must have dried. Bring them in before you eat or you’ll get a cramp in your tummy collecting and folding all the clothes. Sometime ago: Oldie: The clothes must have dried. Bring them in before you eat. Girl: Why? Oldie: That’s the rule. And don’t keep asking questions- it’s disrespectful. Now: Oldie: Bring the clothes in before you eat.

The Atman cries out to the Brahman “Who am I?” Not hearing a response, he cries out again “Why am I here?” Baffled by the silence of the Brahman, the Atman proclaims “I am the supreme manifestation of reality.” To which he hears no argument but what stirs within him is an unexplained restlessness. He is angered by his mute spectator. “Your silence only tells a story of ignorance”, he reluctantly exclaims, half in anger, half in despair. “I will figure this out on my own”, he says determinedly and sets out.  He travels far and wide. He consults with magicians. He consults with ascetics. He asks the winds and the rain. He asks the swift sand about her maker. “Who made you?” she retorts sarcastically. Stamping her into the earth with a hurt ego, he sets out further. He speaks to the mountains, he speaks to the snow. “Shouldn’t you aim to climb up once in a while?” he asks the snow over Mount Kailash. “Your descent is your end- as you melt and trickle down the plains only to end in

'It takes 2 years to learn to talk and a lifetime to learn what not to talk'... or something like that! Thanks to all the 'share' and 'like' people do on facebook, quotable quotes are always readily available. First things first, we are still teaching her to talk. I am hoping the 'what-not-to-talk' bit comes only a few years later?! And what is life without the quintessential maami giving running commentary! Sahasra: 'Attthhhhaaaai' Maami: Abbabbaa... athishtam! If baby says 'athai' first first, very lucky the child is being! [Of course, Athai is the only one who lets her chew her finger] Sahasra: 'ThaaaaThaaaaa' Maami: O mama- she said Thatha- very happy you must be feeling! Sahasra: 'Tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tah ..... [I don't think she has that many Thathas] Sahasra: 'pheehpheepheeepheeee' Maami: Abbabba...etho she is wanting to talk talk... Paavam so

Daddy J recently commented, "I wish I was ambidextrous." "Why", I asked, bewildered. "With one good hand, it's almost impossible to change her diaper without messing up the place. Plus it would be easier to get that rice into her. I wonder how you hold her in one hand and stuff that food in with the other." "So how did you manage when I went out for 3 hours?" "I gave her milk."- with a triumphant smile!!!! Everyone warned me that crawling days and walking days would bring along new and challenging exercise routines. And thanks to it, the old pair of jeans seem to fit again- yipie! And compare notes, we must! With new mommies: -My son won't sit in one place for more than 10 seconds. Half the time, I am just hunting for him under tables and chairs. -Mine broke a vase the other day and had the most 'paavam' look on her face. I didn't know whether to cry or scold her! -He wants to pull everything- including peopl

I recently took to reading a little bit of philosophy- a few Vedic concepts, some modern fundas. The intent was to put together something for a script that I am writing, but it instead got me wondering if all enlightened thought came from watching a baby?! Shouldn't all of us then have been enlightened? Or do we methodically teach our children to lose their godliness only to start pondering and philosophising and rethinking everything later in life? She doesn't know ME from YOU. Why do we teach them MINE and YOURS? She doesn't know the difference between SMALL and BIG. Why do we teach them CHEAP and EXPENSIVE? "You can throw this on the floor, not that." How much more important is china from a steel tumbler- they both make a nice noise when they fall on the floor. Materialism does not exist for her. Not long before she is taught IMPORTED vs local- an Indian bane! She can't tell RICH from POOR. Who teaches her FAMILY is different from the HOUSEMAID? She

"Learn to be like her- so warm and hospitable"..."Learn how not to be from that person- so arrogant and loud"... Every mom has told her child how to be and how not to be. So I decided to join the bandwagon. Dear Sahasra, 1. Smile. Teeth or no teeth, it's more powerful than an aspirin is for a headache. But when you smile after you chew the newspaper, remember that your mother is going to be a dud with current affairs (or if it's a gossip paper, your mom will be the only one not to know where Aishwarya Rai took her daughter). 2. Family is more pleasure than pain. Even if you've never met them before or you don't know how they are related to you. And when they ask you "do you know who I am?" say- "of course, you are that mama/mami who finished all the payasam at the previous wedding we met at!" 3. Planning is important. Plan to be happy and chirpy. And if you forget to do your 'planned' homework or craft assignment

The whole world of new mothers seem to be logged on to at least 4 of the zillion parenting websites and have bought at least 2 of the many parenting/baby milestone books. Not to say I ridicule any of them- I have done so myself. All of them proclaim "let your baby explore" - and they have me mighty confused for mine insists on exploring the dirtiest or the most dangerous of things/places... bathroom floors, the underside of a tap, the dustbin, the stove, plug points... and the same books proclaim "these things are normal". While I cannot confine her exploring and discovering to anything hygienic and safe, I can at least get her immune to chaat germs and loud music. Destination 1: the beach It was too dark to get her into the water but the bright red blinking horns and flying discus were good enough. Next time aound- molaga bajji and butta. Destination 2: Art Gallery (Art appreciation is closely linked to EQ)  uhmmm...she fell asleep! Destination 3: A2B on

We Indians are always boasting about all the number things that we invented: the Zero for example has been our primary source of  pride at multinational gatherings. But why did no one ever document Baby mathematics or for that matter baby physics, it's a huge chapter! 1.Baby's energy is always inversely proportional to mother's energy. 2. g> 9.8m/s (why do you think newborns can't move?!) 3. At 6 months, you wish g>>9.8m/s but it reduces to what seems like 4 m/s (she was right here.Where did she go?!) 4. Have you learnt "A stationary object will remain stationary until acted upon by an external force"- Sorry.  " A stationary object will be smothered in drool and will go kaput until acted upon by an adult". 5. The shortest distance between 2 points is a line segment joining them? Only if there are 3 of her favourite toys, the TV remote and an expensive cell phone lying at varying distances between these 2 points. 6. infinity to the po

Motherhood takes you back to your own childhood they say. Obviously I don't remember what I did as a 6-month old  and I am not going to believe what my bro says I did (doesn't make me look very sweet and adorable), but there are things from long ago that somehow stick in the back of your head. Things we did and didn't do, things the others did, things we were not allowed to do and still did. Six of us, plus or minus a few every now and then. Making 'poisonous' concoctions from tree sap. Being the "Joker" during daily cricket matches. Chicken pox (March through June, all of us taking turns) Mangoes from the 'Padri' tree. Climbing the water tank to look at the "thumbs Up" Hill. Playing in the rain. Dark room with glow worms. Hide and Seek during Power outage (someone always wanted to pee badly when hiding!) Compulsory Ooty and Kodai trips with the mamas. Patti. Ghee rice and Veg Kurma. Chapatti and Bhindi. Mangoes-letting the

Daddy J: Ooo nice tattoo (at a model on TV) Mommy J: I thought you didn't like tattoos. Daddy J: Well.... Mommy J: What if your daughter goes and gets a tattoo?? Daddy J: She won't. She'll be a good girl....and even if she does, it will say " I love Daddy". Daddy J: You bloody buffalo. Can't you find any other place to stand and talk on the phone. You're blocking the damn road. Mommy J: Your daughter is going to call everyone buffalo if she hears you say it. Daddy J: No she won't. She'll be a good girl...and say'dear Mr. Buffalo please move.' Mommy J: It's Friday night. You think the lil one is going to be a party animal? Daddy J: No No. We'll take her to the temple every Friday. Mommy J: Temples close at 8. Party time starts only after that! Daddy J: Uhmm..ok...uh.... it's ok. she can party! Mommy J:(stumped) really???? Daddy J: Ya I'm cool with it! I love partying too. I'll go out with her friends as we

Early motherhood is a game of patience- and it isn't always the baby who's testing yours. IS the baby crying? She is hungry! The single most annoying thing on your eardrums- it is almost like an automated sentence from all and sundry the minute your little one squeals or squiggles. Smile Smile "She won't cry if don't hold her like that crushing her tiny tummy with your humongous hands." So sad she's crying. What are you doing here?? (accompanied by  a ghastly 'you are such a monster' look) "I am whiling away time and trying to see how long she will cry before i go deaf. And it takes me more than a nanosecond to drop what I am doing and get across the room!" Why is she crying like this? Something is wrong with her. "May be she needs change of scenery. Get a hint???" Why are you crying baby? Look i'll dance for you. No? Ok I'll show you a doll. No? ok I'll sing for you. No? Why is she crying? "She

"Girl aa?" very good very good! Goddess Lakshmi has entered your home pa..very good very good. Congratulations. Fair only no?! Of course she will be fair only. If she takes after S patti and M thatha, she can be fair only no!Who does she look like? Wait... She has hair on the head no?! Lots or less? It's ok if it's little less now..After the Pazhani mottai it will come... then she can have long thick hair- lovely braid it can be! o Again, who does she look like? O like both of you?But who does she look like more? Tell Tell.. Don't be diplomatic pa..ok anyway I will come and see her.. Of course babies keep changing. Now they will look like the mother, then they will look like the father, then after few years, they may look like grandfather or grandmother's cousin. What to say- it is all ever changing! Ha ha ha.... Anyway pa..all the best to you now. You have become a father and now you have added responsibility!Ha ha..very good very good! Hmm...It is girl also

10 things they taught you in Biology class that you thought were true. 1. The human body requires 6 to 8 hours of sleep. * Hah! 4 hours and you are good to go (The doctors are not going to be changing nappies or feeding the beby). 2. Darwin's theory of evolution says "Survival of the fittest". * Fit or not, you will need to survive sleeplessness. 3. 45 minutes of exercise 5 days a week will keep you fit as a fiddle. * Changing nappies = tummy crunches    Trying to make baby sleep = 2 km walk + torso exercise + weights    Entertaining baby = 30 minute dancing lesson    Feeding baby = core muscle strengthening That's about 1200 minutes of exercise 7 days a week- the shape is still round! 4. Babies sleep for about 20 hours a day. * Where is the sub-clause telling you that those hours are split into packets of 20 minute naps and that it takes 30 minutes to get the baby into a 20 minute nap. 5. The human body is tuned to working during the day and restin